Control means to hold power over. Surrender means to let go or give in. Which sounds like the most comfortable way of living? Most people say that the desire to control is most natural. Controlling things like your environment, the people in your life or even what goes on in your life, creates a level of comfort for most.
Recall a time when these emotions felt beyond your control. How did it make you feel? Were you overwhelmed? Anxious? Fearful? Frustrated?
Often, the need to control things in life can create friction when things don’t go exactly as planned. As a result, when an unexpected event happens, big or small, your internal system is shocked. This creates negative feelings instead of comfortable ones. So how do you cope with these negative feelings? Ideally, you need to surrender and let go of the need to control. But, the awareness that you’re feeling negative about something because it didn't go as planned, is one of the first steps towards change.
You’re human and though surrender is possible, it takes practice to master. So instead, the next time you notice negative emotions, try this quick-step process to release, flow, and begin practicing the art of surrender.
1. Be an intentional observer of the signs.
Take notice of negative feelings and thoughts. Some people feel things physically. It may be a clenched jaw, racing heart, trouble breathing, tightness in the chest or tense shoulders. Others notice it in their response. Some may be short and snippy, hateful or easily angered. Others may be lost or confused. These are the first signs to recognize and pause for an opportunity to surrender and redirect your need to control.
2. Invite an internal reality check conversation.
Breathe. Say to yourself, “ I feel _____ because ______.” For example, “I feel frustrated because I have too many work projects to do this week.” Be real with yourself. But avoid judging how you’re processing things at that moment.
3. Thank those first signs for the opportunity to learn and grow.
When you notice yourself feeling anxious or frustrated, be sure to thank your mind, body, and soul for showing you these feelings so that you can redirect your actions to a more harmonious space within. State to yourself, “Thank you mind, body, and soul for showing me the frustration and anxiety around my work this week. I love you for supporting me to grow and learn how best to surrender.”
4. Reframe your thoughts and feelings constructively.
Using the previous example, “I’m at peace knowing that I’m human and perfectly capable of getting my work completed on time. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.” Say this out loud to yourself 3 times, and with every completion, take a deep breath. Inhale and exhale slowly.
5. Check in with yourself.
How does it feel to work on surrender? Are the negative feelings replaced with positive ones? Are negative feelings still lingering? Does breath work help with releasing the symptoms of control?
Remember, surrender is a practice that takes time to master. And you’re a soul that is learning and growing every single moment of every single day. Breathe into that and know that you, in this moment, are enough.
Care you will love.
First Stop Health is here to support your mental health. If your employer provides you with access to virtual counseling, our counselors can provide short-term, solution-focused guidance to help you through the holiday season.
